I’m not good at expressing emotions but…

I created this blog with the expectation to share my experiences with my family and friends, but I then remembered that I would have to express my feelings too.  Those who know me understand that I get quite uncomfortable when it comes to conveying my feelings.  I suppose this blog is the first step in conquering my fears of communicating  while learning how to show others the way that I feel about certain situations…With that being said, here goes nothing!

I am not phased by much. When I feel myself getting anxious or nervous about a certain situation, I just put it off and do not pay attention to it.  I refuse to confront how I really feel about instances that I am in and I try to just live my life day-by-day.  Knowing this aspect about myself, it is strange to me that I feel timid by the idea of cruising around the Atlantic on a huge ship for 107 days with people that I have not met yet.  I understand that it is completely natural to feel anxious for such an experience, but I can’t help but question what is it about the trip that creates the apprehensiveness.  Is it the unknowing of what lies ahead?  

In our society today, we are able to control our lives in many ways.  We can take pills to go to sleep, keep us awake, make us happy, or make us loose weight.  We literally can control tons of things dictating our daily routines that were uncontrollable to the generations before us.  We often go into situations expecting one thing and almost always come out of it with something completely different, but I suppose the reason I’m anxious about Semester at Sea is because I am departing with no expectations at all and the unknowing of what is before me is the hardest part.   

I will soon be leaving for what is supposed to be the most rewarding experience of my life.  There is no doubt in my mind that is true, but being the quizzical individual that I am, I can’t help but wonder what in the world I am getting myself into!  It seems like just yesterday I was on the phone with my Dad when he suggested that I take a look at this program.  I had no idea what it was until I researched it online and found how absolutely amazing it looked, I mean, almost too good to be true!  Determined to be apart of the Semester at Sea community, I eagerly began typing essay after essay to send into the University of Virginia with the hopes to be granted admission into the program.  Weeks later, I found out the great news that I would be one of the lucky undergraduates to be able and participate in this unique study abroad experience.  

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and the next thing I knew, I was getting visas for Ghana and Brazil, not knowing what in the world I was doing.  Now, I am 14 days from embarkation and am experiencing anxiety like I never have before.  I have rarely felt the feeling, and to say the least, I cannot stand it.  I suppose this experience has already brought about new inklings which I have never had the chance to understand until now.

Although I have so many feelings falling all around me concerning my departure from home, I couldn’t be more excited to begin this new chapter in my life.  I am certain that everything happens for a reason and I believe that I have been blessed with this opportunity to see things that most folks don’t see in a lifetime.  I stumbled upon this qoute which made me understand that life in itself is a journey in which we are always travelers.  This idea inspires me to go into Semester at Sea with an open mind and to truly take advantage of not only an amazing education, but also the experience of a lifetime.

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That’s all for now y’all!  

xoxo, K

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3 thoughts on “I’m not good at expressing emotions but…

    • I didn’t reply to this one at first, but sent an email, because I didn’t know how to post things. But in re-reading, I would point out that a sea voyage is one of the best times to reflect broadly on one’s life and prospects, and be away from the constant yammering of daily texts, calls, media blah-blah, etc. So take advantage of the quietness and long periods of calm on the sea as well. Love, DAD

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